When you think of self-love, what pops into your head?
Maybe it’s that spa day you keep promising yourself. Or a glass of wine with your girlfriends where you actually laugh until your face hurts. Maybe it’s finally—finally—saying “no” without that crushing guilt that follows you around for three days.
But here’s what I’ve learned after 17 years of navigating menopause: the most profound act of self-love isn’t always something you do. Sometimes it’s something you allow.
And honestly? The greatest gift you can give yourself might just be rest. Real, deep, soul-restoring sleep.
We’re All Running on Empty
I see it with every woman I work with. You’re tired—not just “I need another coffee” tired, but that bone-deep exhaustion that makes you want to cry in the grocery store parking lot. We push through anyway, running on caffeine and sheer willpower, telling ourselves that exhaustion is just what success looks like. That being busy means we’re doing it right.
We’ve been conditioned to treat rest like a reward. Something we have to earn after we’ve checked off every single thing on that never-ending to-do list.
But can I tell you something? That list will never be done. Never. And your body can’t keep waiting for permission to rest.
Sleep Isn’t Lazy—It’s Literally Love
I need you to hear this: sleep is not laziness. It’s not weakness or giving up or any of those things we’ve been taught to believe.
Sleep is the foundation of everything your body does to heal and balance itself. While you’re sleeping, your brain is processing all those emotions you stuffed down during the day. Your hormones are resetting (or trying to, anyway). Your cells are repairing themselves. Your nervous system finally gets to exhale.
Think of sleep as your body’s nightly love letter to you—the moment it restores everything you’ve depleted while juggling work, family, aging parents, and everything else on your plate.
Now, if you’re in perimenopause or menopause, that love letter often gets interrupted. Hot flashes wake you up drenched at 2 a.m. Your brain decides 3 a.m. is the perfect time to replay every awkward conversation you’ve had since 1987. Restful sleep starts feeling like something that happened in another lifetime.
But here’s what I want you to know: this stage of life doesn’t have to mean restless nights forever. Understanding what’s actually happening in your body—and responding with care instead of criticism—is one of the most powerful acts of self-compassion you can practice.
The Rest-Worthiness Connection
There’s this thing that happens to so many of us. We spend decades in “doer mode”—taking care of everyone, crushing goals, building careers, keeping all the plates spinning. And somewhere along the way, exhaustion became our badge of honor.
We wear our fatigue like a medal that proves we’re dedicated. Good mothers. Good employees. Good daughters.
But exhaustion isn’t a measure of how much you care. It’s a warning light on your dashboard, flashing red, begging you to pull over.
When you let yourself rest, you’re not being selfish. You’re honoring yourself. Rest is a boundary that says, “I matter. My body deserves care. My peace is important too.”
What’s Actually Happening in Your Body
Your body isn’t fighting you—it’s fighting to find balance during a massive hormonal shift. Here’s what’s going on:
Estrogen and progesterone are all over the place, messing with your body temperature and how deeply you sleep.
Melatonin production drops, making it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Cortisol (your stress hormone) can spike at night, leaving you wired but exhausted at the same time.
Understanding the “why” behind your sleepless nights helps remove the guilt and frustration. You’re not broken. Your body is just recalibrating.
Deep sleep is like your body’s internal housekeeping crew—clearing out toxins, repairing tissues, filing away emotional clutter. During REM sleep, your brain sorts memories and builds resilience. During deep sleep, your immune system rebuilds itself. Without enough of it, you’re not just tired—you’re undernourished at a cellular level.
Building Sleep Rituals That Actually Feel Good
Improving your sleep isn’t about adding a bunch of rigid rules to your life. (You have enough rules already, right?) It’s about creating little rituals that feel like care.
These small acts send a powerful message to your body: You’re safe. You can rest now.
Prepare, don’t collapse. Create a gentle wind-down routine. Dim the lights, do some stretches, sip some calming tea. Give your body the signal that it’s time to shift gears.
Set boundaries around your peace. No emails after 8 p.m. No doomscrolling through the news. Protect your mental space like it’s precious—because it is.
Soothe your senses. Lavender oil, magnesium, soft music, whatever helps ground your nervous system. These aren’t luxuries—they’re tools.
Rest before you’re completely wrecked. Don’t wait for burnout to force you into bed. Preventive rest is productive rest.
End with gratitude. Before you close your eyes, ask yourself: “How did I show myself love today?” Even if the answer is just “I made it through,” that counts.
When Sleep Still Won’t Come
Even with all the right habits, sometimes sleep just won’t cooperate. Hot flashes, night sweats, anxiety, chronic stress—they all team up to keep you awake. And it’s so easy to start thinking, “Well, I guess this is just how midlife is.”
No. Sleeplessness is not your new normal. It’s your body sending you a message—one that deserves your attention, not your resignation.
If you’ve tried everything and you’re still lying awake at 3 a.m., it might be time to talk to your doctor. Persistent sleep issues can point to things like sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, thyroid problems, or medication side effects.
And listen—if you need to take a sleep aid occasionally, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re being proactive about your health. Just make sure to check with your doctor first, especially if you’re on other medications.
Self-love isn’t doing everything alone. It’s knowing when to reach out and say, “I deserve to feel better.”
What Happens When You Finally Rest
When you start treating sleep as sacred instead of optional, everything shifts.
Your mood lifts. Those constant cravings calm down. Your energy comes back. You start seeing yourself—and what’s possible for you—with fresh eyes.
Because when you’re rested, you’re radiant. You make better decisions. You love more deeply. You handle life’s curveballs with grace instead of just gritting your teeth and surviving.
Sleep isn’t just your body’s repair mechanism. It’s your spirit’s way of saying, “I’m ready to rise again.”
So tonight, permit yourself to rest. Not because you’ve earned it by checking off every box. But because you’re worthy of it, period.
This is what self-love looks like. And it starts with sleep.
Ready to Sleep Like Yourself Again?
If your nights are restless and your energy is running on fumes, it’s time to get your body—and your hormones—back in sync.
Through my program, the Midlife Metabolic Flip, I help women just like you restore their sleep, rebalance their hormones naturally, and wake up feeling like themselves again. No extreme diets. No punishing workouts. Just real, sustainable changes that actually work.
Make today the day you give yourself the love you deserve. I have created a document that explains the Midlife Metabolic Flip. Click here to access and register.